WHY FATHERS SHOULD LOVE THEIR CHILDREN ©Donna Lands 04-29-2013
It was gorgeous warm spring day in Joseph Oregon in 1994. This is a mountain resort town which is also known as the valley of the winding waters. It is majestic, serene and peaceful. I always hold this place very special in my heart because I called it my Healing Home.
Jessica and I decided to drive to Enterprise which was a six mile drive. Jessica my beautiful gorgeous little Irish Lass was a nine year old Angel. Jessie had perfect auburn red fire hair with emerald green eyes. Jessie and I never fought. We have a very special bond that is eternal. We both are jibber jabbers and can talk to each other and hear what each other is saying. We can look into each other’s eyes and know when we have something on our minds or if our feelings are hurt. This was one of those days.
We were three miles into the drive and Jessie had tears streaming out her emerald almond shaped big eyes. Tears were rolling down her sweet high cheekbones and her little voice was doing that huh, huh cry. The choked up broken cry when you know the feelings are very hurt.
“Honey, what is wrong?” I asked with a concerned tone. I knew that a child in her school had passed away. That was the reason we were taking this drive. I also knew Jessie wanted to talk about it.
“MOM, IF I GOT LEUKEMIA:-DO YOU THINK MY REAL DAD WOULD COME SEE ME?”
THIS BROKE MY HEART BECAUSE HOW DO YOU ANSWER YOUR CHILD WHEN THEY ASK THIS QUESTION? Ten times the question kept ringing through my brain in quick succession-“MOM, IF I GOT LEUKEMIA:-DO YOU THINK MY REAL DAD WOULD COME SEE ME?”- Over and Over:-“MOM, IF I GOT LEUKEMIA:-DO YOU THINK MY REAL DAD WOULD COME SEE ME?”
This was a catch twenty two question because no matter what answer I responded with:-It could not or would not be the right answer. “Sweetheart, you are my eternal angel and my heart would be torn out of my chest if that happened. God won’t let that happened.” Do not worry about that.
“Mom just answer the question, do you think he would come to the hospital to see me?”
“Of course he would come see you”.
“THEN MOM, I WANT TO GET LEUKEMIA! THAT WAY I WOULD AT LEAST GET TO SAY TO MY REAL DAD: I LOVE YOU.”
I PULLED OVER THE CAR. I TOOK THE TIME TO TELL HER THE STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN HER DAD AND I.I HAD TO EXPLAIN THAT IT WAS NEVER HER BECAUSE HOW COULD THAT BE, HE DID NOT KNOW HER.
YEARS EARLIER WHEN JESSIE WAS ABOUT TWO,(1986) I HAD CALLED M.R. AND HAD PUT JESSIE ON THE PHONE.I WAS HOPING HE WOULD WANT CONTACT WITH HER. NO! HE STATED TO ME:-“DONNA, WHY DID YOU PUT HER ON THE PHONE!”
I SAID: “M.R. I THOUGHT YOU MAY WANT TO HEAR YOUR DAUGHTERS VOICE AND MAYBE WANT TO SEE AND KNOW HER.”
“LOOK DONNA, I DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER OR YOU! DO NOT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN!” HE HUNG UP.
I CRIED FOR MY DAUGHTERS HEART THEN AND IN THE CAR THAT DAY.I RESPECTED HIS WISHES UP TO THAT DAY. THROUGH OUR TEARS TOGETHER WE SAT THERE FOR 10 MINUTES AND CRIED AND HUGGED EACH OTHER. I AS A MOM ALWAYS RUBBED MY BABIES HAIR.I MESSED UP HER HAIR PRETTY BAD THAT DAY. IF YOU KNEW MY JESSIE, YOU WOULD KNOW HER HAIR IS HER CROWNING GLORY.
“I TELL YOU WHAT HONEY:-WE WILL MAKE A VIDEO AND GIVE YOUR DAD ANOTHER CHANCE TO KNOW HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE INSIDE AND OUT. DEAL SWEETHEART”
DEAL MOM SHE SAID IN HER SWEET VOICE. SHE LIT RIGHT UP, HER SHOULDERS PERKED UP AND SHE SMILED WITH THE EXCITEMNET OF A CHILD WHO HAD JUST WON THE HUGE STUFFED ANIMAL AT THE CARNIVAL.
A child Loves’ both Parents with their whole hearts and spirits. The child is even willing to die to get that acceptance of Love from the parent. For all the fathers out there that walked away:-Know and understand what pain the child bears upon their little shoulders and they did not do anything WRONG except exist to “Be who they were meant to be.”They were always about Love. You turned your back just when they needed you most!
Moms out there should always give the Dads the chance when all else has failed. Let it be the last opportunity to make things right. Do it for your child because to know both Parents is what is important to the Child. It is not about you, it is about them! It is their lives and your duty to give that child the most love and opportunity for Happiness and protection that is within your power to bestow upon your child.
We made the video and I found a way to get a hold of Michael which is a funny story for a different blog. She got to meet her Dad that year. It was the third time. “It was going to be:-third strike you’re out or third times’ a charm.” I was so afraid of him breaking her heart. I recall saying that in the letter I wrote him.
It was a charm and now they have a great relationship and her Dad means the world to her and I. We are friends and that’s how it should be!